Category: Personal Reflections

For Chelsea, My Dearest

Justice J.J. TaraiLeave a comment

This is an elegy, a piece of writing in which I both mourn and reflect upon the loss of my canine companion, Chelsea, my dearest best friend in the whole universe. This was written to commemorate the 10th anniversary of me meeting Chelsea, effectively the moment she entered my life. While I technically met her for the first time on 14 November, 2015, she did not become part of my day-to-day life until 16 November, 2015.

In memory of my dearest best friend in the whole universe. Thank you for making me realise my own kindness, and for showing me the beauty of the world you and I are part of.

Chelsea (10 September 2015 – 18 September 2023)

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My Dearest Chelsea,

You were welcomed to this world on September 10, 2015, brown, small and precious
You became officially part of my life on November 16, 2015, your cuteness was infectious

Ten years have passed since we met, I do recall
A red fawn-coated Dogue de Bordeaux, you were so small

You were to be raised by my mother, our meeting was not my decision
A task entrusted by her dog breeding lover, to whom I only felt suspicion

He gave you your birth name, one I would not wish upon the bourgeoisie
It was unbefitting for a canine dame, thus I decided to call you Chelsea

You were delivered to us with collar and crate, you felt alone and sad
All your nightly yelping was not great, so I let you out and shared my bed

Days and nights went by, my responsibilities towards you undoubtedly increased
Mother made excuses but could not deny, she mainly provided you only the feast

That being said, despite her giving me all the dirty work, I must also admit
She helped me a lot that time you completely covered yourself in shit

Back then, walks and scooping poop, getting pulled by your weight, I did not miss
Now, alone in my thoughts, without a group struggling against the state, I reminisce

I am ashamed to admit, while taking walks with you I could be rather clumsy and reckless
Those few times you crossed the road, my heart skipped a beat, but you remained totally speckless

I am recalling another incident, due to my actions mischievous and unjustified, the neighbor got mad
When he would enter our house to clear things up, you snarled at him, which made me feel glad

Not because of seeking retaliation or conflict, but because it felt you were trying to protect me
An overwhelming feeling blossomed inside my heart, I fell in love with you, my dearest Chelsea

You would gnaw on and damage my belongings, my Nintendo 3DS and external hard drive included
But looking at your cute face would quickly alleviate any sense of anger and frustration, I concluded

You became my best friend, my favourite roommate, my cuddly teddybear
The thought of people abducting you or of cars hitting you, filled me with despair

Roughly a year later, we also raised a puppy named Didi, to her you were like a big sister
When mother decided to live with her partner, my new father, she took you with her

Pressured between a distant place or my hometown, I made my decision
My future, my social life and potential romances were here, that was my conviction

Despite these changes, we would continue spending time on a frequent basis
Yet I could not help but notice you, surrounded by trees and fences, living in relative stasis

Raised as a pet, a member of the household, only to live inside a building separate from my parents’, it was rather isolated and sad
It was a kennel, with prison cells and all, seeing you jump against the bars and bark for my attention, internally I felt a little dead.

Hanging out with other dogs, off leash, living in the Dutch equivalent of the boonies, gated and secure
I would repeatedly visit to give you hugs and kisses, pets and bellyrubs, only to spend hours scooping up dog manure.

Most dogs there were born and raised on my stepfather’s property, they did not know of a world outside
You could do your sanitary businesses whenever you wanted to, but perhaps you missed the city night

Sometimes there would be a fight between the dogs, and you were one of its main participants, far from uninvolved
Whether it required me to throw buckets of water or kick around to keep everyone apart, I would have these brawls dissolved

At my parents’ place, spending time with you, you were my sanctuary
Away from their vitriol, their casual racism and sexism, if only temporary

We could have lived together, just the two of us, if I was not financially restricted
Instead I had to swallow my discomforts in order to see you, I felt conflicted

As you got older, your disposition became increasingly calm, sweet and gentle
You were kind and relaxed towards puppies and pregnant dogs, no longer temperamental

Yet age was also unkind, you would deal with all sorts of unfortunate health complications
Seeing you suffer from hot spots, dry eyes and increasing blindness, I felt guilty for all your physical limitations

While my parents kept you warm and fed, you were rather unkempt
Seeing your lengthy nails untrimmed, only made me feel contempt

Seeing you gradually wither away, perpetually itching and scratching, bearing eyes blinded by discharge
Despite having been legally and monetarily limited, I struggle to forgive myself, I should have taken charge

All things considered, it could have been much worse, your life was relatively free from strife
Regardless of you living in relative comfort, I wished for you the greatest quality of life

Despite all the aforementioned problems, you were undoubtedly brimming with life
Whether it was jumping on me in order to greet me, or possessing a great appetite

Whenever you got the opportunity to be inside the house, you would beg for my plate
Thanks to my mother, you got to live the last few years inside, that was pretty great

During those last years, most of your days were spent enjoying relative tranquility, eating and sleeping
But considering how you had given birth multiple times, those were the privileges you ought to be reaping

Whether as a sweet endearing puppy, as a feisty adult, or as an old lady, you were certainly not devoid of personality
You were far from an easy one, and you were not always affectionate, but that only reinforced your individuality

During your last birthday, I showered you with gifts and kisses, never enough
I bathed you, attempted to trim your nails, and walked with you outside, these acts of love

When was the last time you wore a collar and walked on a leash, I wondered
The last time you lived the full housedog experience was before our family unit sundered

Only eight days following your birthday, I checked my messages and felt shocked
Reading from my mother that you were severely ill, that your appetite fully stopped

Uncertain how to act, I resumed working those last few hours of my day, I now heavily deplore
I should have left in order to see you immediately, without delay, knowing you were at death’s door

Even so, I rushed to the bus as if my life depended on it, if only I could reach the speed of light
When I finally arrived, I saw you lying on the ground, slowly wagging your tail with remaining might

You were happy to see me, I wish to believe, that night I stayed by your side
To witness you falling apart broke my heart in innumerable pieces, what a painful sight

Increasingly realising this was it, our final time together, I could not withhold my cries
Seeing my dearest companion, my sweetest girl, my best friend, die before my eyes

That night and the following day I bore witness to your corpse, I cried immensely
You no longer breathing or being conscious in any sense of the word, I grieved intensely

You were the light during a period of my adulthood marked by turbulent uncertainty and insecurity
Providing me warmth and love while inadvertently boosting my sense of responsibility and maturity

Reflecting on the eight years of your life, my thoughts routinely make me feel restless
What is to be done, should I kneel down in self-reproach or grant myself forgiveness

Though I must admit to myself, despite your presence giving my life so much colour
I was persistently yearning and searching for a chance at romance, to find the perfect lover

Frustrated, lonely, tired and sad, my desire comparable to an unfillable bowl filled with holes
Whether it was looking for comrades, kindred spirits, or the woman of my dreams, no animal could ever fulfill such roles.

Even so, knowing you could never be the embodiment of my hopes and dreams, my ultimate desire
You were a love, precious and special for I never asked for you to be in my life, yet your death made me an inconsolable crier.

Perhaps in another world, we would be Crimson Justices, truly my perfect dream
As heroes of justice, being together forever, we would be the greatest team

Encountering the love of my life, introducing her to you, and you meeting my friends and comrades too, all part of my ultimate fantasy
Unfortunately such hopes and dreams are unable to transcend the world of fiction, never becoming an actual reality

Things could have always been better, I suppose, that is an undeniable fact, yes
These lingering feelings of guilt and shame are part of my neverending mourning, I confess

It feels wrong to admit, despite your death making me utterly sad and debilitated
My parents no longer having my greatest emotional anchor, makes me feel liberated

Town or city, family or friends, I no longer need to make that recurring conflicted choice
Alas all these pictures and stuffed animals inside my house make me yearn to hear your voice

Repeatedly, I find myself scrolling through hundreds of our selfies, without you I feel unwhole
A broken heart, scarred and wanting ceaselessly, our bond forever engraved in my soul

My memories of you becoming foggier as time goes on, I hate to admit
Writing about you, looking at pictures and videos depicting you, I refuse to submit

The texture of your fur, the sound of your voice, your ways of eating, walking, and showing affection
All of this and more, now and until my end, is my failed attempt at full recollection

Despite many of my reminiscences characterised by self-reproach, yearning and regret 
The years, months, weeks, days, and hours we spent together, whether good or bad, I do not want to forget

Do not worry about me, my dear, I got friends, good company and entertainment, please be at rest
Even if it pains me not having you by my side, or to be at your side, I need to fulfill my lifelong quest

The future is distant and uncertain, what will I accomplish
The oppression of humanity is what I hope to abolish

Will I live to answer the revolution’s call
To become its hero or to only end up facing the wall

Perhaps living a dog’s life in relative peace saved you from a grim fate
Untouched and unharmed by aggressors and agents of the bourgeois state

To me, emotionally forever and always, of this world you were its greatest light
With that said, I can only thank you for reminding me why it is worth the fight.

I doubt I will bear witness to world communism’s victory becoming gloriously true
Even so, I can take solace knowing that living under capitalism led me to meeting you

Detractors might dismiss you as simple and replaceable, just a dog
But I do not care, I will talk and write about you, even on my blog

I want to honour our bond, your name, your life and existence
So I keep writing stories, reflections, and elegies to mourn your non-existence

Regardless of me ever having another dog or animal entering my life, no matter how long we will be apart
Even if it is a separation eternal and infinite, with you irretrievably gone, you will forever have a place in my heart

It pains me to admit, despite me yearning for all people to be free
My greatest wish would be to be by your side again, my sweetest Chelsea

Forever and ever, I will treasure our emotional connection
Around you, I could express unbridled tenderness and affection

Throughout the years of our friendship, you made me realise my own kindness, it was all thanks to you
By taking care of someone and loving them with all my heart, I became a much better man, all brand new

These feelings of love and appreciation shall last a neverending eternity
Even if, in the absence of miracles, our reunion will never become a reality

As this elegy comes to a close, this piece of writing reaching its very end
I must say adios, I love you forever and always my dearest friend

Forever and always, I love you

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Post-Publication Notes

  • 16 November, 2025: Added a set of two lines to the elegy, namely “I am … totally speckless.“
  • 17 November, 2025: Made a couple readjustments to improve the consistency and flow of the writing, such as replacing a few prepositions, adding a few words, correcting a couple typos, and removing most contractions; added three sets of two lines each to the elegy, namely “That being … in shit” , “Forever and … and affection“, and “Throughout the … to you“. Additionally, I also reworked a set that was originally “Perhaps in another world, we would be Crimson Justices, heroes fighting evil, exploring the world, being together forever, that would be the perfect reality. Surrounded by friends and comrades, meeting the love of my life and introducing her to you, unfortunately forever consigned to the world of dreams, the ultimate fantasy” into two sets of two lines each. Made another attempt at improving the distance between the lines and sets. Also, I altered a set of two lines that was initially “During those last years, most of your time was spent enjoying relative tranquility, eating and sleeping. But considering how you gave birth to puppies thrice, those were the privileges you ought to be reaping.” Also, I altered a line that was initially “At least you could do your sanitary businesses whenever you wanted to, or did you miss the city night?” Also, I altered a set of two lines that was initially “Seeing you gradually wither away, perpetually itching and eyes blinded by discharge. Even if I was legally and monetarily limited, I cannot forgive myself, I should have taken charge“. Also, I altered a set of two lines that was initially “Town or city, family or friends, I no longer need to make that conflicted choice. Alas all these pictures and stuffed animals make me yearn to hear your voice.“

The Future of This Blog

Justice J.J. TaraiLeave a comment

Happy International Workers’ Day, everyone! I hope everyone had a splendid and invigorating day filled with revolutionary fervour and internationalist zeal. Unfortunately, I was unable to enjoy the most of May Day due to fatigue-induced procrastination. That also seems to be a recurring trend with regards to my blogging activity, or lack thereof. While the oppressive presence of lethargy and procrastination were key factors as to why I could not write and publish the various works I aspired to do, there were also other factors such as managing various aspects of my personal and on-ground political life. Looking back on it, it also did not help that my personal circumstances were rather precarious and that my political self-education lacked a much needed degree of diligence and consistency.

However, I can only hope that this will change in the near future. Last month, I published a short story titled The Next Justice, which arguably deviated from the type of work I was initially set out to write. While the Red Spectre Writings as a blog was always going to have a place for media and culture, I was not sure to what extent said media and culture should have fidelity to communist ideology or meet the requirements of ‘serious communist cultural analysis and production’. At this point, after much contemplation and soul-searching, I have come to the conclusion that I do not wish to restrict Red Spectre Writings to any given idea or format. While neither my deep interest in the International Communist Movement, in its numerous years of both theory and practice, nor my personal creativity and curiosities can be fully separated from one another, I felt that I was pressuring myself in creating a prim and proper communist blog at the detriment of not allowing my writing to bring me where I would feel at my most passionate, at my most driven. Especially given certain political and personal developments I underwent the past few years, I have become convinced that I am not cut out to be a proper, orthodox Marxist-Leninist—or Maoist for that matter. While this does not mean I have resigned myself to willful ecclecticism, I do believe I straight-jacketed myself into this mindset of appealing to a certain audience that does not resonate with my own sensibilities, my own thoughts and feelings.

Even so, Red Spectre Writings will not lose its character as communist blog. It will, however, make room for topics and types of writings that cannot be necessarily contained or reduced to one specific category. This blog will be a representation of my own, for lack of better words, ‘internal multiplicity’ that can neither be reduced as a reductive one-ness or single identity nor as a dualism of multiple, separate identities. My aims with this blog go beyond simply elucidating and contemplating Marxism and, likewise, my aims with this blog go beyond writing short stories of a magical communist exploring the macrocosm. It is in this void of freedom that I push for my own voice in the hope that I start ‘doing’ things as opposed to worrying about whether I am doing the ‘doing’ correctly or incorrectly.

Unfortunately, I cannot provide a timeline for when my next work or essay gets published, but I can only hope that recent personal developments, along with me writing and publishing the debut of Crimson Justice as a literary character, are pushing me into writing both fictional and non-fictional works on a consistent basis. At the very least, I can say that I hope to give this website a proper theme as soon as possible. It just look very unappealing to me, but due to neglecting this blog for a long time I lost access to my original website layout. Besides making the website visually appealing, I also hope to rewrite the “Welcome to Red Spectre Writings” post because neither does it fully reflect the overall aspirations of the blog nor does it reflect my current politico-ideological perspective. While I have not renounced the revolutionary contributions of the Chinese Communist movement, I do no longer subscribe to Maoism or Marxism-Leninism-Maoism. At this time of writing, I would more or less consider myself a Marxist-Leninist that is sympathetic to the ideological critique and discourse generated by the Movement for Reconstitution (MxR). I hope to elaborate on their positions and works in the near future, but for now I will simply share with you a link to the Committee for Reconstitution’s (CxR) most recent statement, which was published on this very same day, 1 May, 2025.

Long live proletarian internationalism, everyone!

Justice J.J. Tarai

Status Update (1 April, 2023)

Justice J.J. TaraiLeave a comment

Comradely salutations, everyone! It has been a while since my latest blog post, which received quite the positive traction on Twitter. Regarding the Sison article, I am still planning to write a follow-up article but my external hard drive that contains the unedited 3 to 4 hour footage of my interview with Comrade Joma remains lost. It should be lying around somewhere, but alas, I have not found it thus far. In this status update post, I would like to address a couple things regarding the overall developments surrounding this blog Red Spectre Writings.

The Missing Sison Remark

Unfortunately, roughly a month ago, I realised that I completely forgot to recall one insightful remark Joma made during my interview with him back in January 2020. That remark should have been part of the article, but I am not sure to what extent it is considered appropriate to re-edit an already published article, especially one that is several weeks old by now.

However, it is for that reason that I have decided to either produce a small article in which I give the missing Sison remark its appropriate spotlight or to simply save that remark for the follow-up article though it might take quite a while before I finally rediscover my lost external hard drive. It would just not feel right to simply elaborate on something I forgot mentioning regarding an old conversation between Sison and I in a status update post. That being said, I can already mention that it was one of his concluding remarks he made as we were bringing the interview to a close. It is a remark that, while obvious, says something about how one should look at their dedication to the communist cause. Again, this topic deserves an article separate from the status update, so I will not elaborate any further.

What happened to the website?

In case you have visited Red Spectre Writings before March 2023, you will notice that the layout of the website has significantly changed. You will also notice that the blog’s URL is now ‘redspectrewritings.wordpress.com’ instead of ‘redspectrewritings.com’. Both of these changes are the result of financial difficulties, which leave the blog in a somewhat precarious predicament. Hopefully, the site will return to its previous appearance once I can afford paying the required subscription, though I did manage to safely secure and extend the domain name for another year. Is it not strange that you can only extend the duration of a domain name up to a year? I was hoping to find an option to secure the domain for the next couple years, but I digress.

What have you been up to?

Honestly, I have just been preoccupied with all sorts of matters outside of Red Spectre Writings. I will occasionally reach out to comrades and like-minded people through social media—mainly on my Twitter account @red_writings—but even then I try not to go overboard with my online activities. It is obviously easier for me to engage with other people in a series of tweets as opposed to writing lengthy articles on Red Spectre Writings, but Twitter is not the best place for nuanced discourse and elaborate analyses and critiques. Facebook and Reddit are not ideal places for discussions either, of course, but political exchanges via Twitter can get easily lost in the nigh-endless stream of content. There is still a great deal of merit of having a blog such as Red Spectre Writings which provides a proper place for lengthy articles and potential discussions associated with those very articles.

Unfortunately, all sorts of real life issues kept me from giving adequate attention and energy into this blog, but I still intend to revitalise Red Spectre Writings. Despite not working on the website for over a year, there have been numerous attempts of me writing articles and essays, but even at times when real life itself did not pose the primary obstacle it would just be perfectionism or other insecurities keeping me from finishing and publishing something. For instance, I have yet to publish my political review of the video game Tonight We Riot. Will it eventually be published? That is the intention, of course, but real life matters such as political activities and making sure I keep a roof over my head take priority over updating the blog on a consistent basis. Nevertheless, I realise I need to strike a balance between my real life activities and my aspirations for Red Spectre Writings.

Once again, what are your aspirations?

Initially, Red Spectre Writings was intended to be a political blog focused on Marxism-Leninism-Maoism. Fundamentally speaking, that has not changed but I must admit that I want to use the blog as a platform for articles, essays but also stories that are not directly concerned with revolutionary Marxist theory or the history of Marxism. If I do become more proactive when it comes to maintaining and updating this blog, you can expect the occasional reviews of popular works and ramblings on a wide array of topics that go beyond Marxism itself. One of the reasons I want to expand the type of content permissible on Red Spectre Writings is because I have occasionally found myself fretting over whether a certain article or short story ‘was Marxist enough’, whether it ‘sufficiently applied dialectical materialism’, or whether it was ‘politically relevant enough’—and these hesitations only exacerbated my perfectionism and bouts of procrastination.

Ultimately, Red Spectre Writings is a blog about exploration and investigation with a self-admitted bias towards Marxism-Leninism-Maoism—whether that takes the form of elaborate essays, personal commentaries, literature reviews, or short stories. To me, the blog is a tool to improve my skills as a writer, but I also firmly believe it can be a platform that not only advocates for revolutionary Marxism but that also elaborates on or addresses various matters that deserve their fair share of nuance and critique. Of course, I am still open towards using the blog as a platform to co-operate with fellow Marxist-Leninist-Maoists. Perhaps we can all share insights with one another and in turn generate articles that address important concerns of the International Communist Movement. If you are interested, feel free to reach out to me.

What is in the works?

Besides the political review of Tonight We Riot and the follow-up article to my interview with Comrade Joma, there are quite a bunch of articles I have in store for the blog. Some articles are almost 50% done, and others remain in the conceptual phase. For those who are interested, here is a brief overview of the articles I have tried to publish over the last two years:

  • Small biographies on British Marxists, mainly Christopher Caudwell, George Derwent Thomson, and William “Bill” Ash;
  • Reader’s Notes on Georges Politzer’s Elementary Principles of Philosophy;
  • Reader’s Notes on George Thomson’s From Marx to Mao Tse-tung: A study in revolutionary dialectics;
  • Analysis and Critique of Struggle Sessions’ Theory and History of the US Maoist Movement;
  • Historical Overview of the Maoist Movement in the Netherlands;
  • An Historical and Epistemological Comparison between the Marxist Women’s Movement and Feminism;
  • On Capitalist Mythology;
  • On Voting, Electoralism, and Reformism;
  • Preliminary Meditations on the Bystander Effect;
  • Critique on the Redistribution of Wealth as the main objective of Marxism;
  • Critique on the Perverted Understanding of Power Dynamics;
  • The Problem of Moralising Practices Under Capitalism.

Admittedly, I was playing around with more topics and ideas in my head than that I could adequately write about in my spare time, but feel free to tell me if any of these topics sound interesting—or for that matter, if there are other topics you would like me to write an article about. While I am unable to provide any concrete estimates as to when I will publish the next article, I hope that this status update post reaffirms my intention to use Red Spectre Writings as a mainly Marxist-Leninist-Maoist platform for investigation, analysis, critique, and expression.

Until victory, always!

In Memoriam, Jose Maria Sison

Justice J.J. TaraiLeave a comment

On 16 December 2022, exactly one month ago, Jose Maria Canlas Sison, known by the International Communist Movement as ‘Comrade Joma’, passed away. Passing away at the age of 83, Joma has experienced the numerous challenges, trials and tribulations, which encapsulate the life of a revolutionary party militant. As a young adult, he immersed himself in the theory of Marxism-Leninism and joined the original Communist Party of the Philippines—the Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas (PKP)—only to break away from it and reconstitute the Communist Party after criticising and exposing the revisionist and nepotist leadership of the PKP. Founding the Communist Party of the Philippines (CPP) on 26 December 1968, Joma championed the Maoist dictum of how it is right to rebel—to rebel against the military dictatorship of Ferdinand Marcos, to rebel against imperialism and the capitalist system as a whole, and to rebel against the many forms of revisionism and reformism that deter the masses from waging class struggle and seizing power. The life history of Joma is one that deserves an article, if not a book, on its own. Other Communists organisations and individuals have already provided more elaborate obituaries that chronicle Joma’s life and overall achievements, so it is neither this article’s intention nor its scope to address all these matters.1

While I was not all too familiar with Joma personally, I interviewed him for an extrapolitical assignment three years ago. During this interview I had the privilege to ask him an assortment of questions, ranging from questions concerning his childhood to questions concerning how he experienced the trials and tribulations of a revolutionary party militant. Unfortunately, as a result of extenuating circumstances, I am not able to locate the actual external hard drive that contains the three-to-four hour footage of my interview with Joma. That being said, I do vividly recall certain moments in which Joma expressed insightful remarks, which I love to share with others.

The Revolutionary Persona

When I conducted my interview with Joma, I more or less intended to just have him talk about his personal youth, how he became acquainted with the Marxist ideology, and how it all led to him being where he was at the time—a revolutionary in exile who maintained an active relationship with the communist movement in the Philippines while living in Utrecht, the Netherlands. That being said, there were definitely moments in his life that intrigued me and led me to inquire further on those aspects. At a young age, he was already perceptive of the fact how communism was demonised by the ruling establishment yet it was communism that provided a solution to the oppressive and exploitative conditions that kept the Philippines restricted and subordinated to the interests of imperialism. He participated in mass work as a Communist during a time that it was not only illegal to be a Communist, but that it was also punishable by death.

Despite living in increasingly repressive circumstances, Joma was not undeterred to form a lasting romantic relationship with his lifelong comrade Julie de Lima and form a family in the process. In terms of his experience as a revolutionary who had to navigate both a revolutionary and an interpersonal life, he told me that there was this saying that if you have a lot of strength and knowledge in something that you should share it or give part of that strength to those lacking. This applies not only to romantic relationships but also relationships involving comrades and friends. In other words, if you are in a relationship with someone in which they are rather lacking in political strength, that should motivate you even more to share your strength and knowledge with them. It is a process that requires patience and understanding, and to not conflate contradictions and misunderstandings with what is incorrigible. It is definitely the best route to support others in the process of being on a comparable political level, to share your insight and strengthen one another, and—to some extent—set yourself up as an example for others to follow or be inspired and motivated by. Evidently, Comrades Joma and Julie strengthened one another in terms of politics and knowledge as can be seen in the fact that Joma’s writings were always the result of comradely team effort. Those who aspire to be revolutionaries themselves occasionally ask themselves to what extent they need to make individual sacrifices in the name of the revolution. The typical answer to such a question tends to be one that borders on ‘lifestylism’ in which the aspiring revolutionary constructs a ‘revolutionary persona’ deprived of individuality and personal desires but one dedicated to the struggle. Historically, revolutionaries tend not to be this type of revolutionary person—and Joma is not an exception. In fact, throughout the interview, it became clear to me that Joma’s revolutionary persona was one that loved life with delight and enthusiasm yet at the same time recognised political necessities. As both the repressiveness of the Philippines’s state apparatus and the advancement of the revolutionary movement intensified, Joma accepted the reality of living underground as a revolutionary party militant. This not only meant abandoning his house and breaking off contact with various friends and family members, but it also meant that he had to have his children taken care of by comrades living in China in order to protect them from Marcos’s repressive machinations.

When I asked him if he was ever afraid of torture or death given the repressive circumstances he was active in, he told me that what he experienced was not fear but rather “cautiousness, carefulness” or “vigilance”. He was not unfamiliar with the sensation of fear, but when it came to facing the risks and dangers of being an underground revolutionary, he articulated his cautiousness in the sense of needing to be more vigilant, “to exercise prudence“. Joma was strongly aware of the dangers that a revolutionary could face but he did not experience this awareness in a paralysing sense, which is truly admiring. We Communists, especially those living in the imperialist countries who have yet to face the full brunt of the bourgeois state’s repressiveness, take revolutionary courage for granted. It is not the absence of fear, cautiousness, or vigilance, but rather it is the conscious recognition of these dangers yet marching onwards undeterred. “If you are afraid of death then you may need to reconsider a different career“, Joma told me laughing. When inquiring his experiences as an underground revolutionary, he told me that when it comes to recruiting new people, especially from dangerous areas or enemy occupations such as the military, it is better to leave the recruitment process up to cadre who are more familiar with those scenes. He admitted that there is always a level of risk no matter how small. According to him, a revolutionary party must always try to minimise the risks and dangers—preferably, one must try to have a plan B and plan C in case the initial plan fails. Reflecting on the events that led to his capture in 1977, he told me that it is important to always be on your guard, to not get careless, and to stick to party protocol. One of the reasons Joma ended up getting raided and captured by the military police was because he compromised his vigilance and went against party protocol by not concealing his face with a helmet or mask. It also did not help that when the military police raided his safe house, Joma and Julie were in a compromised position, i.e. they were unarmed and lacked immediate means to escape. In the end, however, as revolutionary you just have to place trust in your comrades. You must be capable of trusting them, placing your faith in them, he stressed.

Additionally, Joma shared the fact that he was subjected to torture by Marcos’s men. I recall feeling uncomfortable inquiring further regarding this traumatic ordeal, but Joma himself was rather open and lucid in terms of sharing his thoughts and memories. He told me that his tormentors were essentially ‘all bark and no bite’ given the fact that they avoided hitting his face, meaning they would never go to the fullest length in terms of inflicting physical torture. Even so, according to Joma, the physical torture he experienced was nothing compared to the protracted psychological torture he experienced in the form of solitary confinement. When I asked him if it ever crossed his mind to give in to the torture, he told me that the worriedness he felt towards his comrades—especially the potential consequences if he were to provide information to the enemy under duress—was much stronger than the pain and torment he constantly had to bear. Indeed, given the possible consequences of ‘spilling the beans’, relenting was not an option to Joma.

The Revolutionary Optimist

Ka Joma on Revolutionary Optimism (with captions) @Ka Joma Lives (Youtube)

Most importantly, however, Joma told me that “there is fun in making revolution. Those are the more overwhelming things; rather than fear, prudence, or the fear of death“. What was the most important for a revolutionary, according to him, was to “[act] according to conviction, [having] a just cause and having fun. It is fun to have good comrades“. When he shared with me that optimistic and rather endearing perspective, I felt taken aback. This is usually not something you hear people talking about within serious and battle-hardened revolutionary discourse, yet here I had before me someone who had faced repression and death numerous times, who had lost innumerably comrades and loved ones in the process, yet to him the life and struggle of the revolutionary was not only one of unrelenting trials and tribulations but also one of memories and bonds that are to be cherished. Perhaps it was his communist morale in light of the moments he cherished the most, in which he struggled and shared both adventures and misadventures with his comrades, that pushed him to carry on the fight.

When looking back on the various enemies he had to face—whether they were Filipino dictators, Western imperialists, or revisionists—it was not a bitter sense of anger that dwelt in his heart, but rather an ironic sense of ‘gratitude’, which is not too different from how Mao Zedong would talk about his enemies at times. Joma thanked his enemies for pushing him further into the proletarian camp because of the immense challenges and sufferings he had to face throughout his life, which only further sharpened his understanding that there can be no peaceful coexistence between the bourgeoisie and the oppressed and exploited people of the world. His various hardships only made it clearer to him that US imperialism and the Filipino national comprador bourgeoisie were vile and rotten to the core.

The last thing I can recall is asking Sison what his final advice would be for aspiring revolutionaries. Fortunately, I managed to write down his advice: “The biggest challenge is you can get killed. But, you know, what is the communist spirit, you know? You may not see the victory of one battle—in the first battle, you might get finished off. But of course, if you have a good collective, a good movement going on, with correct ideology and political line—political military line, then it does not matter, you know. […] If you are not willing to die, you cannot engage in armed revolution. But it does not mean that you are going to ask for it. You have to do everything [in order] that you will be the one who will finish up your enemy instead of them finishing you up.”

Unfortunately, that was the last time I would meet and interact with Joma alive. While I can take solace in the fact that he imparted various messages in the books I purchased from him and his comrades of the National Democratic Front of the Philippines (NDFP)—notwithstanding the fact that he signed one of my copies of Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-Tung—I would rather talk to him one last time. There are still so many questions I have, so many insights I wish I could receive from him. Oral history writing is extremely valuable to the International Communist Movement, I would say. Even if people’s ideas are never truly lost but instead find continuation in the revolutionary movement that inherits the struggles of the past, it definitely feels like we are deprived of the rich experiences and insights of our veteran comrades whenever they depart the realm of the living and enter the great void. Thus, while I wish I could inquire and directly learn more from Joma, I am already grateful for the first and only interview I conducted with him.

Hopefully, in the near future, I might be able to locate the hard drive and subsequently provide more interesting information that I ascertained through interviewing him. In the meantime, I wish everyone the best of luck in their revolutionary endeavours, wherever you might be.

Red salute to the great proletarian leader of the revolutionary cause in the Philippines!

Ka Joma Lives!

Until victory, always!

References

  1. If one is more interested in a comprehensive assessment of Joma’s life and contributions in light of the International Communist Movement, I would direct them to the statements and obituaries written by the Communist Party of the Philippines, the Communist Party of India (Maoist), the International Communist League, Revolutionaire Eenheid, and Joshua Moufawad-Paul,